September 28, 2014


It's almost 3am here. I can't seem to fall asleep tonight.
I tried to convince myself that is because I am being cheap, it's just too hot to sleep without the AC. However, I know there are just way too many things bothering me right now that are keeping me from sleeping. Just one of those nights where I over think so much that as soon as I close my eyes, I think even more.
Life is not easy when there isn't much moral support. I have been trying hard to stay strong for myself, for my bf and for my dad. I am just living day by day asking myself what's in life that will make me happy now. Before, I would link happiness with shopping and food. Now, nothing seem to make me happy. Maybe work does. I feel content at the end of the day after work, accomplishing a lot. Often I would feel proud of myself for not buying things I want (but don't need). I would also feel satisfied when my home is tidied and cleaned well. But I don't feel happy. Most of the time, I am anxious and bothered, and I don't know how to feel the opposite.
I really don't want to drain myself to the point where I need medication to sleep. If this is all just a dream, please let me wake up soon. Life really suck at the moment.

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