June 29, 2014

A night with food

It's a sunday today, the first Sunday after I quitted my last job. Everything happened so quickly. I was short noticed for almost a month. Started the new job right that Monday after. I was exhausted but at the same time, it was nice because I did not have to think about anything else. I was too tired to care. No wonder why people say work could numb a person. Yesterday, I was running here and there doing errands. I had a lot to do, so again, I did not have anytime to think.

Today, I was mostly just sitting in bed thinking about what happened in the last few weeks. This is probably the first time that I sat down and think about it. It seems like everything is falling into places, but I still have this feeling at the back of my mind. I don't feel happy. I don't feel good. I am sure it's not the financial issue, it's not about whether Herman loves me or not. I know I ought to do this for myself; if not, one day I will just break down completely and God knows what I would do. I was anxious all the time. Even though I am at peace now, I am not happy. Was I ever happy?

In the midst of drowning myself with sorrow, I decided to watch a movie: Julie & Julia. Two women who are so passionate about their cooking, their lives and everything around them. After a little session with Julie & Julia, my meatballs and mashed potato, I feel a tiny little bit better. Food is always comforting, yet I have been lacking appetit for anything else other than pasta or potato or skewers. Weird.

Anyways, it's 9:30 on Sunday night. A rainy night all to myself. and Life must go on....